What if Tomorrow Never Comes?

I'm waxing sentimental this evening. Earlier today I learned that of my other cheer moms has been diagnosed with breast cancer. She is young. Very young - significantly younger than me...and I'm not that old! She has three young children...her oldest cheers with my oldest. Her youngest is just a month old.

The Amazing and Beautiful Evelyn C. Knapp

This is not the first woman in my life to face this battle. I think all of us know too many people who have received this diagnosis. The most poignant of all of these warriors was Evelyn Knapp.

Evelyn was the adopted daughter of Bill & Athena Stavrakos, my great-aunt and -uncle. A teenager when I was born, I idolized Evelyn from the time that I was very young. She was kind of amazing. Beautiful and charming - with a perfect nose and an infectious smile. In contrast to my not-so-physically-fit family, Evelyn was a picture of physical fitness and health. By the time I was in high school, she founded and co-owned the Personal Training Institute, which had multiple locations on Long Island.

Evelyn rejected sugar...her lips had never tasted a soda. My mother once joked that she would order "Broccoli and Broccoli" from a Chinese restaurant. She taught classes, was a personal trainer and was built like a goddess. She was featured in a magazine while pregnant and then gave birth at home using her husband as her birthing chair. I was then, and still am now, completely in awe of Evelyn.

Evelyn lost her battle with breast cancer on June 1, 2005. She was only 40 years old. She left behind a husband...three daughters...her father...and countless people who loved her. She also left behind her legacy of PTI and the many people she helped reach fitness goals.

After her funeral, I found myself on the train back to Baltimore. I was heartbroken and alone. Through my sadness, I felt the need to DO something. Anything. The world was robbed of an amazing woman - and her legacy should continue. I spent that train ride re-evaluating my life. I was less than two weeks from my 26th birthday. I smoked too much...drank too much...ate too much and worked hours that enabled my bad habits. I was 60 pounds over weight and believed fitness meant skinny.

Shortly after her passing, I decided that I would work to recommit my life and work to be healthier. I had this crazy idea that I would get myself in shape, push myself forward and then use my lessons to help others. I could open up my own gym and help people - just like Evelyn. She inspired so many people in her life before it was cut short. I would be irresponsible to not be inspired to change my life for the better in her memory.

She will be gone 10 years this June. 10 years. I quit smoking the summer that we lost Evelyn...and started working out. My workout plans were cut short by a broken ankle and then three babies in four years. Every time I have slipped in my fitness goals, I have felt a little bit of guilt. Like I was disappointing Evelyn's memory.

Evelyn touched a lot of people. Her company still thrives in NY. There is a 5K run in her favorite park every fall. There is an entire organization dedicated to continue her life's work and dreams. (Strength for Life NY).

And now - as I approach the 10 anniversary of our family's loss - I'm going to allow her to touch my life as well. Life is too short to sit back and wait even one more day. Life is too short to allow physical limitations to hold you back. Life is too short to not celebrate all that you do have and all of the things that your body can do.

If you have a minute - check out Strength for Life NY...maybe Evelyn can be a source of inspiration for you too..

http://www.strengthforlifeny.org/AboutUs/OurInspiration.aspx

And it was a GOOD Day

Finally! I pulled myself together and had a really, really GOOD day - both in and out of the gym! I started my day with the earlier mentioned protein shake. Lunch was a grilled chicken salad with my new favorite dressing. (It is some sort of light Asian-themed, peanutty dressing from Kobe). Dinner was a pre-made (not ideal to be pre-made) stuffed chicken breast and another salad.

AND I MADE IT TO THE GYM!!

The Partner In Crime & I made it a chest day and we kinda killed it. We started out with incline bench press. I am typically not a fan of these, because I feel weak when I do them. I'm much stronger on the flat bench, with PIC tells me is totally normal. However, it sometimes just feels like a reminder of how far I allowed myself to slide. Today, I was feeling a little ballsy - so I put 25s on the bar and decided to give it a go.

95 pounds. I only got two reps in before I had to rerack the bar and drop it down to 75. But then I finished it out with the 75! The rest of the workout is as follows:

Incline bench press
4 sets - (95/75, 75, 75, 65)

Incline dumbbell press
4 sets - I started out at 30 and had an almost epic failure after my first two reps. So I dropped it down and finished it out. (25, 27.5, 27.5, 25)

Seated Fly
4 sets (70, 70, 70, 60)

Incline bench...with a twist
4 sets - the twist: we let the bar come to a complete rest, without supporting any of the weight with our hands, and then pushed it up from the complete rest position. (bar, 55, 55, 55)

Finished it off with two triceps exercises

Double rope extensions (20, 17.5, 17.5)
Single arm extensions (5, 5) UNTIL FAILURE

Side note: Here is PIC on the flys...look at the shoulders on that beast! It is hard to see it...but he is killing it at 180lbs for this exercise! Good grief!

One Foot in Front of the Other

I had a realization after starting this blog on Tuesday - I have completely fallen off of the fitness wagon. It has now been over a week since I set foot in the gym and I am more likely to grab cake for a meal instead of take the time to make myself something. No bueno.

So I spent a good chunk of my day yesterday trying to figure out how to get myself back on track. While I was lost in thought, I came to another realization: trying to change everything about your lifestyle in one day is daunting, seemingly impossible and not a good way to start said change.

I'm a planner...and I felt the urge to come up with a plan.

Step A: Breakfast.

I am not good at breakfast. Never have been. Breakfast, to me, is bacon and eggs, pancakes waffles. A big ordeal. I don't have a whole lot of time in the morning, so a big ordeal is out of the question. Most mornings, I forget to actually feed myself. I make sure that all three kids have breakfast and lunch. Depending on the day - that could mean that I am making six different meals before 8 am. (If I am lucky - one of those meals is cereal...) I find myself at work, unfed, and starving by noon. I either help myself to one of the less-than-healthy options that are walking distance from my office or I just drink more water until it is time to leave and then I stop at an unhealthy option on my way to the highway. Frankly, both options suck.

When I am racing out the door at 7:55, the last thing I think about is myself. So I felt that breakfast would be an excellent place to start.

Protein shakes. Quick. Easy. Requires 5 minutes of my time from set-up through clean-up. I am going to start with protein shakes.

I have everything I need for daily protein shakes already in the house. I have a variety of protein powders, (2 chocolates, 2 vanillas, a cookies & cream) and even if I am out of milk, there is always water. I have a stash of PB2 from when I was still on the wagon. (I prefer real peanut butter...but peanut butter doesn't work well with "in a rush.")

I'm on day 2 of my morning protein shakes and I am happy to report that it is going well. It seems to be a good start to my day and an easy way to get something nutritious in my body. Both of my shakes have been chocolate-peanut-butter-banana with an unsweetened vanilla almond milk base. This morning, I also made Oldest Child a shake. She had an palate expander put in yesterday, so her little mouth is a touch tender. Her shake had a skim milk base with vanilla, strawberries and a banana. After I finish this post, I am going to start researching dried kale...why not add a super food to the breakfast smoothie?

Today I will also take Step B: Lunch.

Wish me luck!

Fail to Plan: Plan to Fail

Ugh.

Do you know what this is?

That, my friends, is what I decided to make myself for dinner. 

I had ground beef in the fridge that needed to be made. Now - I am not a fan of ground beef...but the menfolk in the house certainly are, so I grabbed a skillet, coated it in some coconut oil spray and tossed that meat in there and began to season it. The not-well-thought-out plan was to just make the meat to avoid it going bad...but I had no desire to eat it. Enter the Oldest Child.

Oldest Child announces that she would really like to have macaroni for dinner...so I put a pot of water up to boil. I was still thinking I would eat something somewhat healthy...but if I was already making macaroni for the kids, I could make some for the Hubs as well. (He is typically not picky...nor is he body conscious or particularly interested in my fitness goals.) As I'm stirring pasta and searing beef, I am reminded of the handful of times I experimented with Hamburger Helper. (Blarf) (Disclaimer: I have only made Hamburger Helper at the request of the Hubs...I think it is pretty gross...)

And then I start experimenting...

I seasoned the meat...busted out the Velveeta cheese...started mixing a cheesy, meaty concoction that the Hubs was going to flip over. As I am making Dinner #1 for the Hubs, Dinner #2 for Oldest Child, Dinner #3 for Middle Child (who just wanted cold chicken with ketchup) and cutting up strawberries for Youngest Child, I realize that I am cooking/prepping food for four other people and have still given no thought to myself. 

I failed to plan. 

After all was said and done, two of the 3 children at least sampled my homemade version of Hamburger Helper. The Partner in Crime came home unexpectedly...(He is my Partner in all things weight-loss, fit living...and general tomfoolery...) Surprisingly, he wanted some too. (Pasta usually isn't his thing...) So...guess what I ate?!

Yup. Just hours after my initial posting to this blog about how 2015 is all about the newer, stronger me...I made myself and my entire household a hamburger helper-esque, calorie and carb loaded meal.

Gross.

The struggle is real, people. 

New Year, New Me?

This is my least favorite time of the year.

This week follows my busiest and
most joyful time of year - a time that is filled with holidays, birthday celebrations, more holidays and lots of events and parties with a common theme: food. Delicious, homemade, decadent food that is guaranteed to add inches to my waistline and pounds to the scale.  It is a time filled with friends, family and laughter - my loved ones gather around the table, enjoying meals together.

This January seems more depressing to me than usual. Just 15 months ago, I hit the 50 pound mark in my weigh loss journey. Three days later, I had a third surgery on Frankenankle, the ankle I broke in three places back in 2005. A month after my surgery, I came down with pneumonia. By the end of 2013, I had lost my personal trainer, my steady work-out buddy, my desire to workout and I found myself constantly winded, feeling out-of-shape and tired. I was tired pretty much all in time. In retrospect (hindsight being 20/20 and all...), I can tell you that my exhaustion was from the pneumonia and my recovery was pretty much normal. At the time, I just felt defeated.

I'm kind of a gym rat. I love being in the gym. I love lifting. When I had my ankle surgery, I only took one day off from lifting. I was right back in there, working my shoulders, by Friday. And I was proud of myself. Throughout my entire non-weight-bearing recovery, I didn't gain a pound. I maintained that 50-pound weight loss. So when I suddenly found myself too tired to make it in every morning, the wheels started to come off. By spring, I was ready to chuck it all.

The past six months have been a non-stop roller coaster of activities, work and kids...all of which require a certain amount of balance. I'll admit: I am completely guilty of using my life as an excuse. I can't get to the gym because I was up all night with the kids. Oh -I am the cheerleader shuttle today, I can't make it to the gym. I have let my bullshit excuses take over...and that brings me to today.

It is the first snow day of 2015...just 6 days into the new year, and I already haven't been to the gym since LAST YEAR! WTF, Kris? I stepped on the scale on January 1st and learned that I have officially gained back 33 of the 50 pounds I once lost.

So - here is what it all boils down to: I can continue to lament my lack of progress...or I can break out of my slump and get back into doing what I love. Lifting myself into a better version of me. (Puns intended...) My new year starts today - (I run on Greek time anyway...I'm always fashionably late).

I started this blog as a way to encourage myself and chronicle my journey...because that is what this is. I don't want to lose weight. I want to be fit. Not a new me - but a better, stronger, fitter me that isn't hesitant to do a push up or a plank. A me that is confident in what my body can accomplish.